What does dying feel like? Where do you go after you die?
Many people ask these questions but let me tell you this: don’t. You don’t want to find out.
I was a normal girl like you are but then.. Well, I died. I had a family, a boyfriend and friends. I had just graduated from my university and I was looking for a job when this happened.
I was out with my sister-in-law and I had missed my last bus so I decides to walk. It wasn’t far, about 15 mins on foot and the street was never dark, there were always lamps lighting up every corner. I was on skype, chatting with my boyfriend and my headphones on when I saw a shadow moving. I remember texting “babe it’s really shitty to be walking home alone. Why are you working now? ;/”. Then things got messy. It wasn’t one shadow, they were 3. Three dirty looking guys, probably on drugs. I tried to stay calm and walk away but one of them grabbed my hand and the phone slipped through my fingers, falling on the ground. The screen was totally broken and unusable.
They started talking to me, touching me. One of them asked me something but I didn’t answer. It made him mad so he pushed me into the wall so strong I hit my head. I got dizzy and my feet weren’t able to keep me standing, also the fear froze my mind. I couldn’t move or talk. Later on, they took my clothes off. That was the moment my hand moved on its own and hit one of the men. It was a mistake. He just broke it. I couldn’t find my voice to scream for help. They raped me. Each of them did. But that wasn’t the end. They couldn’t let me live. I’d seen their faces. They wanted me to suffer. They stabbed me in the stomach multiply times, many small cuts so I can die slower. They went away laughing and left me to die. It was so light I could see the blood dripping off my naked body. It hurt so bad. Suddenly, my phone started ringing. I crawled to reach it. I heard my boyfriends voice but I couldn’t understand a word.
-Make it stop, babe.
My last words to the person I loved were these.
Then I died. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to have a job, a career and a life.
And here comes the part, where I answer your questions. I wasn’t a ghost, I didn’t reborn and I surely didn’t go to heaven. I stayed here on Earth as.. Nothing.
The worst part about dying isn’t dying itself. It’s about seeing the people you loved suffer because of you and then seeing them forget you. But you don’t fade away. You just sit and watch helpless how their lives go on without you. And realize they never needed you.